


I'm in The Sky Tonight

by ailaikclarke



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, Bisexual Kara Danvers, Endgame Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Established Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, F/F, I am Supercorp Trash, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor-centric, POV Lena Luthor, SuperCorp, Supercorp child, Supercorp endgame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:42:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24525589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ailaikclarke/pseuds/ailaikclarke
Summary: Lena records videos for her and Kara's child, in preparation for when she won't be there anymore. She tells Kara it's because she's a Luthor who's in constant danger, but maybe there's a deeper, more pressing reason why she's recording these videos.OR"Hello, Charlotte, this is your mother. There’s no way for me to know how old you are as you’re watching this video, you still might know me as mummy. Maybe you’re old enough to call me mum. I’m hoping you’re old enough to have stopped calling me mummy.If you’re watching this, you already know why I’m recording this.”
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 58
Kudos: 185





	1. Hello Charlotte

**Author's Note:**

> New story, new adventure!   
> I'm not sure about the length of this one but I already have the first three chapters ready to go.

Lena sat on her desk chair.

She took a sip of her whiskey before propping her phone on a picture frame and turning the camera on. She looked at herself for a second, fixing her hair, checking her make up.

The sun was shining outside, making her skin look like porcelain. She took a deep breath, then pressed record.

“December 10th, 2022. Hello, Charlotte, this is your mother. There’s no way for me to know how old you are as you’re watching this video, you still might know me as mummy. Maybe you’re old enough to call me mum. I’m hoping you’re old enough to have stopped calling me mummy.”

She smiled at the camera, closing her eyes for a second.

“Mama calls you Charlie. I’m not a fan, but I love her too much to say anything. The thing is, I’m not a fan of nicknames in general, and you have such a beautiful name… I wouldn’t want to shorten it. My dearest Charlotte Leigh, my greatest love.”

She wiped away a tear rolling down her cheek.

“If you’re watching this, you already know why I’m recording this.”

“What are you doing?” A confused Kara asked.

Lena gasped. “I didn’t hear you walk in.”

“I didn’t.” Kara smiled. “I flew in.”

Lena smiled back. “The usual.”

“What were you doing?”

The brunette shook her head, grabbing her phone. “Nothing, just checking my make up on my phone.”

“I know that you think you’re a good liar, but I can always tell when you’re lying. Plus, I did hear you talk.” Kara commented. “You know, superhearing.”

Lena sighed. “I was recording a video. For Charlotte.”

“Why?” Kara asked, sitting on Lena’s desk.

The young CEO shrugged, placing her phone down. “Just because.”

Kara raised an eyebrow. “Alright, very good liar.”

“It’s for the future.” Lena explained. “I hope.”

Her wife frowned, still confused. “The future? You hope?”

“Yeah, for when I… I mean…” Lena’s voice trailed off.

“Lena? Please, talk to me.” Kara whispered, walking closer.

Lena took a deep breath. “I wanted to record something for her to watch when I’m gone.”

“When you’re gone as in when you’re at work?” Kara asked, a tender smile appearing on her face.

Her wife shook her head. “When I’m dead.”

Kara’s eyes widened. “When you’re what now? Are you insane?”

“Not insane. I’m being practical.” Lena explained. “I’m a Luthor, after all.”

Kara shook her head, closing her eyes. “You’ve lost your mind.”

“How long have you known me?” Lena asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

There was a moment of silence, with Kara just staring at her. She was confused, both by Lena’s statement and her question.

“Kara, how long have you known me?”

The blonde sighed, still not understanding. “Six years.”

Lena nodded. “How many times have I risked dying in the past six years?”

Another moment of silence. This time, Kara was staring at the ground. She was starting to understand what the point of the whole conversation was.

“Twenty-four.” Lena stated. “I have risked dying twenty-four times in six years. Most people risk dying once in their lifetime, and that’s when they actually do die.”

Kara was still silent, trying to process what Lena was trying to tell her. The tone of Lena’s voice was one she didn’t get to hear that often. It was the tone she used in business meetings, the tone she used to present figures, to explain experiments. It was a tone she used to make people understand that she wasn’t willing to accept a “no” as an answer. A tone she used to make sure people knew that she wasn’t changing her mind, no matter what anyone said.

Kara couldn’t believe that she was using it to talk about the times she’d risked dying.

“I’m being safe.” Lena continued. “Charlotte is always going to have you and knowing this makes me feel a lot better. It makes me feel safe, too.”

Lena hesitated, her eyes fixed on Kara. “She might lose me, though.”

“She’s not losing you.” Kara whispered. “Not any time soon.”

Lena shook her head. “I wish I could believe you. I wish I could tell you that you’re right and that I’m going to live a long, long life.”

She stopped again, getting up from her desk chair. “People keep trying to murder me for one reason or another. I am also a human, a fragile human.”

“Stop, please.” Kara pleaded. “Just stop.”

Lena took a few steps forward and grabbed Kara’s hand to hold. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Kara whispered, her voice broken. “Don’t be sorry about your feelings.”

Lena wiped away the tears from Kara’s face. “I hate it when my feelings hurt your feelings.”

“I’m scared of losing the people I love.” Kara admitted. “It’s been my biggest fear since I first realised that I age in a painfully slower way.”

The brunette nodded. “I have the opposite fear.”

“I noticed.” Kara said, smiling weakly. “Record your videos. Record how many you’d like. Charlie is going to love them when she’s older. Much older.”

Lena had learned many years before that being in a relationship meant accepting compromises that she normally wouldn’t even thinking about accepting. She knew that Kara needed to believe that she was going to live a long, almost endless life, while Kara knew that she found solace in recording those videos to make sure that Charlotte had something to remind her by.

“Much older.”


	2. You Should be Sad

“Well, mama ended up flying in as I was recording this video and I had to stop.” Lena said, smiling at her phone. “As I was saying, if you’re watching this, you know why I’m recording these videos.”

She closed her eyes. “I hope that you’re an adult. A full, grown adult. I hope you have your life together, I hope you have a job, people you love and who love you. I also hope that you know that I love you very much, and I always will.”

She stopped for a moment, her eyes trained on her phone. “Charlotte, I have a secret. I know you already know that your mum has superhearing and I really don’t want her to hear what I’m about to tell you. She was called by your aunt and they’re headed out of town for a mission, which makes me certain that she won’t be able to hear me. This secret… Is not really a secret for you, is it?”

She pictured her daughter watching this first video, trying to imagine what she could possibly feel. She was trying hard to picture Charlotte has an adult, but the fear of not seeing that in real life made it very hard to even imagine.

“I hope you’re not mad at me for hiding this from your mother and I hope she’s not mad at me either. It’s… It’s been hard to figure out how to tell her. It’s been hard to find the right words, you know? To be honest, I’m kind of glad that you’re this young. Yes, losing a parent at three years old isn’t ideal, but it gives me hope that it won’t hurt as much as it would if you were old enough to understand. Your mama, on the other hand… She does understand and it breaks my heart to know that I’m going to have to tell her the truth very soon.”

Lena unlocked the first drawer in her desk, grabbing a folder with her name on it. She opened the folder, staring blankly at the first page.

“I have cancer, Charlotte.” She whispered, unable to look at her phone. “You already know that I do, but I still find it hard to say out loud. Nobody knows at this stage, nobody but me and my doctor. I’ve known for almost a week now and… I can’t bring myself to say those three words in front of your mother. I just can’t. I keep trying to, but I know the effect they’re going to have on her, and I can’t do that to her. I can’t. You might think that this is me being selfish, but it’s such a surreal situation… I really don’t know what to do. I hope I’ll have an answer by the time I record the second video.”

She stopped the recording, wiping a tear from her face. She wondered whether to watch the recording or not but decided against it. She wasn’t sure she was ready to hear those words again.

She still remembered the day her doctor had said those words for the first time.

_“Care to sit down, Mrs. Luthor?”_

_She shook her head, pursing her lips. “Sitting down equals bad news. I don’t have time for bad news.”_

_“Please, take a seat.”_

_Lena sighed, sitting down. “Go ahead.”_

_“The CAT scan confirmed what we suspected.” He said. “You appear to have what we call Glioblastoma Multiforme.”_

_Lena blinked. “A brain tumor.”_

_“I am very sorry, Mrs. Luthor.” The doctor continued. “Because of the size of your tumor, we need to do a few sessions of radiation therapy before we can operate.”_

_Lena couldn’t bring herself to look at him. “I need to tell my wife.”_

_“Of course, Mrs. Luthor.” He replied. “We’ll need to start treatment as soon as possible.”_

But Lena couldn’t bring herself to tell Kara. She had lied to her, telling her that she was experiencing headaches because of work. She realised that the weakness in her right hand and arm wasn’t something that she could hide forever, but Lena still couldn’t find the courage to talk to her wife.

She convinced herself that she could wait a bit longer to have her treatment done. She kept telling herself that she needed more days with both Kara and Charlotte. More days as her healthy and attentive mother. More days as a loving and caring wife.

More days.

“December 22nd, 2022. Hello again, Charlotte. It took me a bit longer than expected to film this second video, mainly because your mama knows that something’s wrong and she keeps asking questions I can’t answer. Yes, it’s been more than a week and she still doesn’t know. It’s been two weeks since my doctor gave me the wonderful news that there’s something growing in my brain and I still haven’t told my own wife.”

She shook her head, sighing loudly.

“You’ve just recently started telling me that you’d like to learn how to play the piano, just like me.” She stopped, smiling to herself. “I have to admit I feel quite proud of my two-year-old wanting to play the piano. I’ve taught you musical notes, we’ll see where this takes us. I wish I could tell you that I’ll spend my free time teaching you how to play the piano, but I’m afraid you’re going to have to do that with a teacher.”

She frowned, staring at herself on her phone screen. She looked at the bags under her eyes and the paleness of her skin.

“You should be at least sixteen as you watch these videos. I hope you got to do everything you’ve always wanted to do, I hope you’re happy and I hope you’re satisfied with who you are as a person. I know this world is hard, but I know you can do it. You can achieve every goal you give yourself. I know you can do it.”

It took a seizure and an emergency hospitalization for Lena to tell Kara the truth.


	3. Die Trying

Her head was hurting like crazy and the idea of opening her eyes made her want to vomit.

Or maybe it was the nausea.

She still wasn’t used to the nausea.

She slowly opened her eyes, feeling grateful to be in a still dark room, instinctively searching for Kara with her left arm. Kara wasn’t there, the bed she was lying on was clearly smaller than the one at home and the room had a very distinctive smell to it.

She wasn’t home.

That wasn’t her bedroom.

She then realised that there was a beeping sound coming from a machine next to her. A beeping that signalled her heartbeat and, next to the machine, a chair with her sleeping wife on it.

She was in the hospital.

She was in the hospital for a reason that she couldn’t remember, with a wife who didn’t know anything about the current state of her health and a child who was blissfully unaware of the painful world she lived in.

“Kara…”

She tried whispering, but her throat was so dry it almost hurt to speak. Thankfully, her wife had superhearing, and immediately woke up.

“Lena!” Kara looked relieved as she bolted to her feet. “Let me call your doctor.”

The blonde immediately started walking towards the door and Lena didn’t get the chance to stop her before she was out of the room. A minute later, her wife walked back in, the doctor following right behind her.

“Mrs. Luthor, good to see you awake.” He said, switching the light on.

She winced. “Hello.”

He walked closer to her, but Lena could only see how worried Kara looked. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.” She replied, annoyed by the pain that seemed to be crushing her skull. “What happened? Have I been hit by a truck?”

He smiled softly at her. “You had a seizure and hit your head on a coffee table, hence the hit by a truck feeling.”

“Classic me.” She whispered.

“We’ll be running a few more tests now that you’re awake, but you should be able to go back home later tonight.”

She nodded, thanking the doctor. He walked away and Lena felt dread rushing over her. Kara knew, she could tell by the look in her eyes. It wasn’t pity, nor anger. She almost looked defeated, as if she’d been trying to protect Lena for years, only to be crushed by an enemy that she couldn’t possibly neutralize. An enemy she hadn’t seen coming.

“I’m not mad.” Kara whispered, going back to her chair.

Lena sighed. “I know. I’m…”

“It’s okay.” Her wife interrupted her. “It must have been hard to accept.”

The brunette nodded, reaching for her wife’s hand. “Extremely.”

“Those videos, for Charlotte… Did you already know then?”

Lena squeezed her hand. “Yes. I’ve known for a few weeks now.”

“I know we didn’t keep the classic vows when we got married, but in sickness and in health still applies.” Kara said. “I had to pretend not to be shocked when your doctor told me that seizures are a common symptom of something that I can’t even bring myself to say.”

Lena nodded. “I’m sorry. I know I should have told you, I wanted to tell you.”

“But?”

The younger woman took a deep breath. “I couldn’t bring myself to say those words in front of you. I tried, believe me, I tried… Every single night since the day I found out. I would get into the shower before coming to bed and mentally rehearse what I was going to say. Then I’d walk to our bedroom and see you looking at me from your side of the bed. You were always so happy, no matter what had happened that day. No matter how many people you had to fight with the DEO, no matter how many words you’d written at work… You were always so happy. Telling me about your day, talking about Charlotte. I couldn’t do that to you.”

“You should have.” Kara whispered. “I know you were afraid to hurt me, but I was bound to find out, wasn’t I?”

Lena looked at her.

She thought about all the times she’d almost said those words. All the nights she’d convinced herself she was ready.

All the mornings she’d woken up with a skull-crushing headache and pretended to blame it on the hours spent looking at a computer monitor.

All the times she’d blamed the nausea on the alcohol from the day before rather than on the tumor pressing on her brain.

She thought about the first time she’d noticed the weakness in her right arm, then hand and how she desperately tried a way to hide it from her wife.

“The day I found out was when I told you my doctor was convinced that I had headaches because I was working too much.” She commented. “It was the day we had that huge fight because I refused to take a few days off and you told me my work ethic was going to be the death of me.”

Kara nodded. “I remember.”

“I didn’t come home until well past midnight.” Lena continued. “I found you waiting for me in the study and I decided then that I couldn’t tell you yet.”

Her wife frowned. “Why not?”

“You waited for me because we promised we’d never go to bed angry at each other.” Lena whispered. “You waited for me to tell me that, even though you still thought I was working too much, you were still on my team. You’d still support me.”

Kara smiled to herself, squeezing Lena’s hand. “You told me you’d try taking some time off. Not whole days, but a few hours every now and then.”

“You waited for me to come back, you waited until almost two in the morning to show me why I married you.” The brunette said. “How could I destroy your world by telling you that I am dying?”


	4. Grief is a Freight Train

“January 1st, 2023. Hello, my darling.” Lena smiled at her phone. “You’re still asleep and your mother has left a few minutes ago to go to work. Even though CEOs don’t take days off, I took this morning to be with you. Of course you decided to sleep in, but we’ll have time later. A small update: your mother now knows everything that she was supposed to know a long time ago and I feel more at peace with myself. I started my treatment yesterday after being hospitalized last week and I am counting the days before I can get surgery.”

She smiled again, feeling like a weight had been lifted from her chest.

“I won’t bore you with the details, but radiation therapy is exactly what they make it look like in movies. I wouldn’t recommend it. Hopefully, though, it’ll make this mass small enough to be taken away and we won’t be needing these videos anymore. As a pessimist, I’ll keep recording anyway. Don’t tell your mama, though.”

Lena was worried that Kara was in denial.

She had explained her situation thoroughly, telling her exactly what her doctor had told her. Even though there were treatments available, her tumor was in an advanced stage and it very likely meant that she wasn’t going to survive to see her thirty-first birthday.

In her specific case, that meant that she had approximatively one year to live.

She had given herself the goal to at least survive until Charlotte’s third birthday in May. She had told herself that it seemed fair as it was about six months after her diagnosis.

“It’s a new year and mummy’s turning thirty soon.”

Before she could say anything else, Lena was interrupted by the sound of small feet running on the marble floor and a high-pitched voice calling for her.

“Looks like you woke up.” She smiled at the camera. “Time to fix you some breakfast, or you’re going to turn into a very tiny, yet very angry, beast.”

Before she could stop the recording, she saw Charlotte appearing on the corner of her screen and smirked.

“Good morning, sunshine.” She said, turning around.

Charlotte frowned. “Good morning, mummy. Food?”

“What would you like to eat?”

Her daughter thought about it for a second. “Pancakes? Purple berry pancakes?”

“Blueberry pancakes?” Lena asked, smiling.

The little girl shook her head. “We get purple berries? Purple is my favourite colour.”

“I’m sorry, darling.” Lena replied, picking her up. “Purple berries do not exist. We’ll have to use blueberries instead.”

Charlotte shrugged, planting a kiss on Lena’s cheek. “That’s okay, I forgive you.”

Lena smiled to her daughter, walking to the kitchen. “What do you want to do after breakfast?”

“Piano?”

Her mother nodded. “Do you want me to play the piano or do you want me to teach you something new?”

“Me, me plays the piano.” Charlotte replied, puffing her chest.

Charlotte playing the piano was a funny mess to watch and Lena enjoyed every second of it. Her daughter had decided that she didn’t need lessons and that she could play the piano like a professional, simply because her mother could. Lena didn’t object and let the small child do as she pleased.

Kara came back around lunchtime, about twenty minutes before Lena was ready to go to work. She’d been increasingly tired, and she was grateful to have a sofa in her office.

“How are you feeling?” Kara asked as she watched Lena getting ready.

Her wife looked at her. “A bit tired, but I’m okay.”

“You could stay home if you wanted to. Rest a bit.”

Lena shook her head. “I am yet to experience any radiation-related fatigue and I know that once it starts, it’s only going to go downhill. I need to do what I can now, because I won’t be able to soon.”

She thought about the morning she’d spent with her daughter and how her treatment was going to make it impossible in the future. Fatigue wasn’t something that she could deal with while taking care of a child. Charlotte needed a lot of attention and Lena wasn’t sure she was going to be able to give her what she needed.

She dreaded the moment she wouldn’t be able to hold her anymore.

The moment she wouldn’t be able to make her feel safe.

The moment she wouldn’t be able to protect her.

“Alright.” Kara whispered. “Call me if you need anything. I’ll come see you in a few hours, okay?”

The brunette nodded. “Sounds good.”

“I love you.” The older woman whispered. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t tell you enough.”

Lena shook her head. “I used to complain to Jess that you told me you loved me too often. I remember rolling my eyes and telling her that you were way too pure to be with me. She would always laugh before telling me that I needed all the love I could get. She was right.”

“Jess is always right.” Kara replied. “Were you really complaining?”

The CEO nodded. “I wasn’t used to all that love.”

“I like the fact that you used the past tense.”

Lena smiled at her as they walked to the living room together. “I might be used to it now, but it doesn’t mean that it feels less special. Being loved by you is a privilege, one I’m not willing to give up.”

“I’ll keep reminding you of my love, then.” Kara whispered. “Forever.”


	5. If The World Was Ending

Kara woke up with a start, feeling sweaty and like she couldn’t stop shaking. She instinctively reached out for Lena, only to shake her head and sigh loudly to herself.

There was nobody to reach out for.

Lena was gone.

She’d died the week before and Kara wasn’t ready to accept it. She wasn’t willing to adapt to a bed that seemed too big for her, and a house that seemed too quiet without her wife.

She slowly got up, ready to go check on Charlie, even though she was sure her daughter was still asleep. She looked at the other side of the bed, the one where Lena used to sleep, just to make sure that it was empty. She looked at the bedside table, Lena’s glasses and a picture of a new-born Charlotte where still in the usual position, untouched.

She walked to Charlotte’s room to quickly check on her before walking downstairs and making herself some breakfast. She’d noticed that everything she did seemed to be slower than usual, as if time had stopped, but not completely.

Everything seemed to annoy her, from the clouds in the sky to the time it took her to go to work. She always seemed to spill a bit of her coffee on the countertop, which she figured was the universe telling her that nothing was ever going to go her way after losing her wife.

She looked out of the window, only to notice that it was storming. Again.   
Kara realised that she couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen the sun. She figured it might have been the day before Lena died, because what was the point of the sun being there if it couldn’t be outshined by the light in Lena’s eyes?

Kara sat down, waiting for her daughter to wake up and come running downstairs. Hearing Charlie’s footsteps always made her happy, even though her daughter’s arrival was always followed by a “where’s mummy?”.

There was no appropriate answer for that question.

Charlie was too young to understand and, frankly, Kara felt like she couldn’t understand either. Where was Lena? Why hadn’t all the surgeries and weeks of radiation therapy been enough? Why wasn’t she there with them anymore? Why _Lena_?

Suddenly, Kara felt like she was being swallowed by a black hole and everything went black for what felt like an eternity. She closed her eyes, fearing for her own life, thinking about her daughter having to grow up without both her parents.

When she opened her eyes again, she was surprised to find herself laying on her bed.

Maybe her sister had somehow sensed that something was wrong and had come to her rescue.

She took a deep breath and realised that there was someone breathing next to her. She turned around, only to gasp after seeing her wife sleeping next to her.

Alive.

She shook her head, scratching her eyes, unable to process what had happened. Lena started stirring next to her, and Kara felt her eyes welling up with tears.

Lena looked at her, confusion in her eyes. “What?”

“I uh…” She shook her head again. “I think I had a nightmare.”

Her wife looked worried. “Was I dead?”

“Yes.” Kara nodded, swallowing hard. “I woke up and I guess I didn’t remember that you’d died and then… You were gone.”

Lena pursed her lips, placing her hand on top of Kara’s. “How did that feel?”

“Almost as if the world was ending.” Kara sighed. “I’m glad that you’re here.”

Lena smiled at her. “Me too.”

She wondered how many times Kara had had the same dream since being aware of her diagnosis. She wondered how many times she’d woken up alone in their bed, fearing to be alone forever, thinking that she’d died weeks before. She wondered how many times she’d gone to bed scared of dreaming of her demise, while unable to do anything about it.

“Are you ready for your scans today?”

Lena nodded, sighing. “I’m just glad we’ll get some answers soon.”

“Wanna go downstairs and see if Charlie is awake?”

A tired smile appeared on her wife’s face. “Sure.”

They slowly got up from the bed and walked downstairs, hand in hand. They walked past Charlotte’s room, only to see that she was still peacefully asleep. Kara smiled to herself as they walked downstairs, grabbing her phone to text her sister.

“What time is Alex coming?”

Kara looked at her phone. “She said she’d be here before nine.”

“Perfect.” Lena replied, looking at the coffee machine. “You know what? I don’t feel like having breakfast, I think I’ll go back upstairs to get ready. You’re much quicker than me anyway.”

The blonde smiled. “Sure, no problem.”

Once Charlotte had woken up and Alex had joined them, Kara and Lena got ready to leave. Their daughter hugged them tightly, planting a kiss on Lena’s cheek and grinning when Kara pretended to be offended by the gesture. “I’m sure she’ll have one ready for you when we get back.”

“Good luck.” Alex whispered as Charlotte was climbing her legs. “Even though I might be the one in need on luck.”

Lena smirked. “Thank you.”

Kara was the one driving, as Lena had felt too weak to do most things since she’d started radiation therapy. She hated how fragile the treatment was making her, and she often wondered whether it was worth it or not. The kind of cancer she had was extremely likely to kill her anyway, no matter what the people around her thought.

“How are you feeling?”

Lena sighed loudly. “I just want to get it over with.”

Kara opened her mouth to say something but decided against it. She’d learned to remain silent even when she wanted to scream.

Luckily, they didn’t have to wait for too long before getting the MRI, and Lena was feeling grateful. She’d grown to hate everything about the clinic, from the pristine white walls to the fluorescent lights. She always felt like it was way too cold, and everyone looked at her as if she was already dead.

“We’ll call you as soon as possible with the results.”


End file.
